Sarah Cooper
12
October 16:10
Money..?
It seems that the university are very good at making promises about money, but not very good at producing. I know, I know – big surprise there. Today I'm told the university aren't supposed to give emergency loans to cover rent. They'll give you lots of money for food, but you have to eat it on the streets.It's been really nice to have so many friends offer to help me out of my sudden and unprecedented financial abyss, right at a time when I'm feeling irrationally lonely. Reasons to smile! Anyways, I have found a rent-payment solution, and so perhaps I shall now stop fluttering around wondering what to do and rediscover some semblance of calm, organisation and general sanity.
C'est possible?
20
September 21:09
Intellectual Intoxication (or, MONEY!!)
By means of one small email, Mr. Brewer of the philosophy department managed to make my summer by informing me, quite casually, that the department could fund my MA. Quite casually, I stand up and run around the house to bounce off a few walls. FUNDING! Having been utterly disappointed to be graded a mere '3' by the AHRC board (well done dear, an excellent application, but only the '1's actually get the money – insert manic, evil laugh), I am suddenly propelled from my temporary jaunt in the miserable world of oysters, jobs and infinite possibility to the reassuringly cosy world of learning. I'm back, and I'm ready to go. Philosophy won't know what's hit it.Have I expressed my pure delight and gratitude enough? Here's an old but gleeful picture to capture the vibe.
23
August 17:08
I'll Give You Dozy!
Follow-up to Dozy?Aforementioned lady returns to shop.
Lady: "That's a wonderful window display isn't it? Really lovely. You must have someone artistic on the team."
Manager: "Yeah it is good. It's Sarah's work actually."
Accept accidental compliment with very smug grin. Sorted.
11
August 19:08
Dozy
Today a fairly elderly customer used the word "dozy" (quite loudly) while talking to my manager (standing right next to me), in a very disdainful tone of voice and in reference to me. These are the things I wish I'd said:[a] Woman, I'm standing right here! If you want to insult me, look me in the eye.
[b] Before you do that, though, you might want to think twice. In case you didn't know, the manager broke the till. I am just dealing with the consequences. Do you mean "dozy", or "impressively calm and friendly, considering the complicatedness of making a moody till do the right thing"?
[c] I don't even get paid to serve you; the least you could do is show a little respect. GRR!
Unfortunately, it didn't click that the lovely lady was referring to me until after she'd left the shop. Must be a bit dozy, eh?
29
July 14:07
Yikes
You'll never guess the movie.
18
July 20:07
A 21st Birthday In Wales (The Forgotten Country)
Awake to phone call at 8am. Mumble way through first Happy Birthday conversation. Lie in bed for two hours, getting slowly better at pressing the green phone button on mobile. Drink coffee / unpack things / tidy things / fight The Boredom. Wander into town to do chores and unsuccessfully look for jobs. Kill time on MSN. Watch Black Books. Cook family dinner. In desperation, contemplate going to cinema. Alone. Write pointless blog entry.P.S. Thanks to everyone for taking the time to chat to me, and thanks to muvver for an absolutely fantastic pre-birthday weekend (and for just offering to go to the movies with me tonight).
P.P.S. People should learn at least one new thing every day. Today I have learnt that sometimes final bills are nice. Eg when the final bill says you are £100 in credit. Happy Birthday me!
14
July 14:07
Sometimes Pictures Are Just Better
2
July 12:07
Life Without The Net
With no internet access for five weeks, I have been forced to rediscover The World Outside. This led inescapably to various "achievements":- Found time to revise for, and so pass, my exams.
- Met friends for coffees. Actual coffees, not msn-emoticon-coffees.
- Read real books, with real pages and pretty covers.
- Spent lots of money in shops – infinitely more satisfying than buying online.
I also learned:
- How to do su doku and cryptic crosswords.
- That watching Buffy before bed is more relaxing than checking emails.
- That it's fun to shout at incompetent call centre people down the phone.
- That boredom can be avoided by doing things, rather than surfin' the net. Eg going to see Ben Folds and becoming a huge fan, going for many lengthy walks, taking picnics to the park, going swimming, taking time to cook meals with real vegetables... and so on and so forth.
Yes, it was awful. Withdrawal left me with a headache throughout, accompanied by a quiet, inner rage. Thank god my parents have broadband. I'm back.
24
May 12:05
And So It Begins
You know it's going to be a long day when the first paper you set out to read has the following sentence displayed proudly in the introduction:"It will therefore be possible to conduct the discussion wholly at the level of elementary number theory." (Dummett, The Philosophical Basis of Intuitionist Logic)
19
May 19:05
Variety Pack
For my adoring fan. Since you've (all) missed me so much, I've decided to provide you with a nice selection of exciting events from my week.1. The Illness™.
Despite personal brilliance, stubborness and determination not to be normal, succumb to the bug along with possibly everyone else, ever. You know the one. Hand responsibility for most badly-timed illness in history (I recently discovered that the world does revolve around me) to every single ill person in the library, infecting nice library air with evil germs. Go to bed. Made self feel better by infecting as many close friends as possible, and become rich by making several bets with foolish people who think they can resist.
Refuse to let feeling of having been hit by a bus / having spent ten hours in the gym / having been forced to listen to R&B for twenty-four solid hours ruin good mood. Last approximately ten minutes. Spend entire week investigating the relative merits of well-established illness cures: drink many alcohols; eat many (many) chocolates; sleep many hours; listen to many musics; see many friends; play many computer games.
2. The Exam.
Awake Monday morning (peak of illness). Recall huge exam. Go back to sleep. Afternoon arrives. Unable to shake perpetual exhaustion and sense of surreality, drift sleepily into exam hall armed with enough caffeine to kill a small dog. Three hours later, regret not having written anything by hand for ten months – carry newly disembodied fingers home in plastic bag. Suddenly realise that priority for regret should really be that last twenty minutes of exam spent staring into space with bemused expression on face.
Vow to never speak of abysmal performance again, except for blog-related purposes and to shout at people with IQs of 4000 who think they've failed, but couldn't possibly fail even if they spent the entire three hours writing about the deviously subtle and generally unnoticed rise of bread prices. Take comfort in knowing that, with an IQ of 9000, I am one of those people.
3. The Dreams.
Discover strange consequence of highly random sleeping patterns. Experience various disturbing, vividly realistic dreams – find it increasingly hard to distinguish between dreams and reality, making for very interesting conversations. Do best to avoid people thinking you are crazy. Fail miserably. Among others:
- Someone has finally bid on laptop on Ebay. Friend calls to announce his imminent arrival to pick up beloved laptop. Panic ensues. Call buyer to declare heroically that keyboard no longer works due to intoxication, and external keyboard is highly unattractive. Unable to dissuade, since laptop acquired for bargain price of £150. Awake to unshakeable sense of bitterness towards said friends.
- Sam thinks the big and clever way to deal with spilling red wine all over my parents' expensive furniture is to throw curry powder over it. Naturally, I am utterly unable to convey the simple message "get the hoover from that cupboard there" (pointing frantically), despite trying for twenty minutes, and have to hurriedly resolve disaster alone. Git.
- (On morning of The Exam): Awake to begin last-minute revision. Calmly read over piles of notes. Glance casually at clock. Back to notes. Feel suspicion creep in. Glance warily back at clock. Scream. Exam already in session! Consider chances of getting from Leamington to campus via Stagecoach buses before end of exam. Consider chances of being able to kill self armed only with duvet. Run for bus. Awake for real, with four friendly hours to go, overwhelmed by sense of intense shock and unsure what to do with excess adrenaline whizzing through bedraggled body.
- Batman! Observe group of hunters trying to shoot ambiguous creature of the jungle (distinguishing feature = pointy ears). Creature seriously terrifying. Can fly through trees, Crouching-Tiger style. Eventually piss creature off so much that he kills half the group in gruesome, painful fashion. Somehow get caught up in creature's quest to stop war in small, bizarre village in middle of jungle. Village completely enclosed by wooden box, of course. One of group foolishly manages to get in alone. Dies in nasty attack. Dream-Sarah quivering in metaphorical boots at this point. Creature leads the way into village, where we attempt to end civil war peacefully. Instead find ourselves being blown up in awesome (but painful) explosion. Special effects of imagination better than any movie. Somehow survive complete destruction of village. Creature reveals himself as Batman, and proceeds to talk to skulls and spinal chords of victims. Decide must escape by running manically along nearby (convenient) train track. Batman determined to compensate for failure to protect jungle-village by sorting out mankind. Batman Begins: The Truth. Awake feeling extremely concerned at gruesome nature of subconscious.
4. The Movie.
Yes, I mean Hitchhiker's. Yes, I completely failed to realise that it was based only on the first book. Yes, this meant that I came out upset and confused. Yes, retrospectively, it was awesome (Martin Freeman rocks). Yes mother, I have been working hard.
5. The Revision.
Revise very hard by reading about Nestle's latest blasphemy, drinking chocolate milk and investigating Quantum Philosophy.
There you go, that should be enough interesting information about me to keep you happy for at least a week.
13
May 16:05
Not Cool
As I'm positive everyone is aware, it is NOT COOL (but still somehow better than revision) when you...- Find that you can't sleep, despite the fact that it is 2am, you're absolutely exhausted and starting to feel ill, and your pillow has become the most treasured possession in your entire universe, simply because you're an incy bit scared about the impending exam-related doom.
- Decide to remedy with nice sleeping pill, guaranteed to completely knock you out within ten minutes.
- Play Solitaire Showdown for twenty minutes. Lose. Miserably.
- Stumble across room to bed, utterly overjoyed at the prospect of lying down and wrapping yourself in your beloved duvet, ready to fall into the wonderful world of nonsensical dreams.
- Look down. Fall to knees in despair as forgotten to-do list item comes flying back into consciousness, hitting poor, tired brain like a big, metal hammer: Take bed linen out of wash.